Olugambo olulimu amakuulu - Gossip with meaning inside.
My friend Karolinska Mariah from Moscow told me - in Russia, they say, a man starts retiring 5 years before he leaves office. In Uganda, we start retiring the day they take the car keys away. That is why you find many people talking alone, walking aimlessly, swinging their hands like a priest wedding a beautiful couple on the road.
Listen to me, you who are 58, 59, 60. You have 2 years left. Your office still smells of perfume and power. Your phone still rings. But let me tell you - the body has already started retiring without telling you.
My Taata Joseph Bbembe Jjajawabana Wakulanume retired in 1989. He called us and said, "I am going back to Our Home - Naziba, Sseguku." That is our burial ground. He was MUKULU. He never wore the same shoes 2 days in a row. Never slept in sheets that were not white. 504 Peugeot washed 4 times a day. Rado watch. 18-year-old whiskey. But he was wise. He sold the 504, sold scattered lands in Wakisi, Naminya, Kangulumira, Nakibizi, Jinja, distributed all the money to us while alive, buli omu yamuwa mulamu - and we bought him a Datsun pick-up, planted for him only 3 trees - Ovocado, Nkomamawanga, Kitafeli - small chicken, few pigs. Routine: 3 eggs, 2 bogoya, avocado, lunch at 13:00 sharp, sleep 2 hours, wake at 16:00, dress in best suit and go for a lager. He lived 21 years in retirement up to 86 with no stress, no children fighting.
Now you - what is your plan for the next 25 years? From 60 to 85 is longer than your time as Commissioner!
IF YOU HAVE 2 YEARS LEFT, PREPARE THE MIND NOW. NOT AFTER.
1. THE BODY AFTER 55 HAS ALREADY CHANGED THE CONSTITUTION WITHOUT TELLING YOU.
You still think you are 35. But your body is not lying like your office does.
a) The Mouth and The Stomach - Where old age starts:
At 55+, saliva reduces. That is why the mouth smells in the morning. Teeth have small gaps, food hides. Your intestines become lazy - they don't push food like before. You get constipated, you bloat. That "old age smell" people fear is not age - it is rotting food inside and an unwashed mouth. MUKULU knew - he ate light, many fruits, and his intestines were lubricated. Avocado oil, pomegranate, soursop - not too much meat and posho at 22:00hrs.
b) The Eyes and Ears:
After 55, the lens becomes hard. You hold the newspaper far. You fear driving at night because lights scatter. Your ears - you say "eh?" more. You increase the TV volume. Your grandchildren think you are ignoring them. You are not - you are losing high frequency.
c) The Muscles and Bones - The Sarcopenia:
From 55, every year you lose muscle if you don't use it. That is why a man who used to lift a jerrycan now pants climbing 3 stairs. Your knees crack like dry firewood - cartilage thinning. Your back - you bend to pick something and you stay bent for 5 minutes. MUKULU walked every day at 16:00. Not jogging. Walking. In a suit. That kept his joints oiled.
d) The Hormones and The Sleep:
For women, menopause has come - heat at night, sweating, mood swings. For men, testosterone drops - you sleep less at night, you wake at 3am to urinate, you think it is the devil, it is the prostate getting bigger. You sleep 2 hours at night and then you sleep the whole day. That is why you start talking alone - sleep is scattered.
e) The Balance:
After 60, your inner ear balance weakens. One small stone and you fall. A fall at 70 is not a fall at 30. Hip breaks. That is why you must have good shoes - never the same for 2 days, always with grip, polished, and your house must not have loose mats.
2. SO WHAT MUST YOU DO WITH 2 YEARS LEFT? - 5 DIRECTIVES FROM NAZIBA
Don't wait for the farewell party. Start now.
Directive 1: Do a Family Parliament Now.
Call your 4 children like MUKULU did in Jinja. Don't leave 7 plots in 7 districts to cause war. Consolidate. Sell scattered land. Keep ONE home - the burial ground, like our 30 acres in Naziba. Distribute while alive. Write it. Let them know you are the main stem, they are branches, but all produce the same avocado.
Directive 2: Downsize Your Machine.
MUKULU sold the 504 Peugeot. Why? It needed allowances. You have a Prado, V8, driver, fuel card. In 2 years, can you fuel it? Can you maintain it? Sell it now, buy a small Datsun pick-up / small Toyota. Use the difference to build 2 rental rooms near the trading centre. Let the car work for you, not you work for the car.
Directive 3: Plant Only 3 Things.
You are not becoming a commercial farmer at 60. You are becoming a manager of small happiness. Baaba wange planted for MUKULU only Avocado, Nkomamawanga, Kitafeli. Plus small chicken, pigs in valley. Manageable. You can count them. You can see them. You can eat from them. Not 50 acres of maize you cannot weed.
Directive 4: Create a Non-Negotiable Daily Uniform and Routine.
This is what saved MUKULU from madness - Jjajja Nabudoli syndrome.
- 06:30 Shower. Yes, 4 times a day if you can. Scrub body twice a week. Old skin holds sweat.
- 07:30 Breakfast at the same time - 3 eggs, bogoya, avocado. Not katogo with heavy oil.
- 13:00-14:00 Lunch - exactly. Not 16:00.
- 14:00-16:00 Sleep. Switch off the phone. One hour, two hours. This is not laziness. This is resetting the brain.
- 16:00 WAKE UP, DRESS UP. This is the Oracle's biggest secret. Bathe again, change shirt, change shoes, spray best deodorant, Cologne, small essential oil on chest. Put on Rado, Oris. Drive / walk to the trading centre, have a lager / tea, greet people. Let people see you still shine. When you shine, you don't talk alone.
And mouth - brush twice, floss, tongue cleaner. Keep mouth fresh. Grandchildren will sit on your lap if you smell good.
Directive 5: Don't Bury Yourself In Church. Go And Come Back And Live.
Thank God, but don't use church to hide from life. MUKULU went to church, thanked God, came back and lived. Go for 2 hours, come back and manage chicken, check pigs, call your friend Karolinska. Too much church without purpose after retirement becomes another office where you wait to be called and no one calls you.
Oracle LAST WARNING:
I have seen Permanent Secretaries who, after 2 years of retirement, have no one picking their calls. I have seen Generals who washed cars 4 times a day now walking barefoot to buy panadol.
Office lies. Saving lies if you don't have streetness.
Too much wealth is not the solution. How you organize your children and how you organize your 16:00 hour is the solution.
Your 25 years start now. Your Datsun pick-up is waiting. Your 3 trees are waiting. Your white bedsheets are waiting.
Call the family meeting this Sunday in your Naziba. Tell them where Our Home is.
Don't become Jjajja Nabudoli of Mbulamuti swinging hands alone.
Be MUKULU.
The Oracles of Kifuuta, Katooke, Buddu.
Grandson of Muguluma who went to Europe in 1927, and owner of feet that have walked 58 miles in 56 countries.
